CoCo FULL OF GRACE

“she said she wanna be dentist really badly
she’s in school paying
for tuition doing porn in the valley
at least you working
but girl i can’t feel my face
what are we smoking anyway
she said don’t let the high go to waste
but can you taste a little taste of

Novocane baby baby”

Frank Ocean’s  song “Novocane” illuminated the entire room filled with all types and all kinds of people. Carla pops pills, but she wants to be a pharmacist. Remi wants to be a doctor yet she likes to perform surgery on herself- she cuts herself. Mike wants to be a philosopher, but now he’s as high and a fly as a kite. Erin is a girl who appreciates and loves God, but  also loves doing the devil’s dirty work. They weren’t always like this, in fact a year ago they were fine, but today marks the one year anniversary of a shared event.

Puff. Puff. Pass. Erin never touches it, and she never smokes it either. Instead she  lays on the floor of the molded basement and consumes the scent. She catches the contact.

Erin smiles and closes her eyes and says, ” We are as messed up as we want to be.” She begins to laugh and gets up. She starts walking up the steps and mumbles, “I am as messed up as I want to be. I am. I really am.”

She can’t resist the urge to lean towards Mike. She parts her lips and glides her tongue across her teeth. Mike leans in and as she makes eye contact he begins to blow between her lips. She feels the cold smoke breeze past and into her lungs. She holds it in for a second.

“It’s been a year man,” she whispers to Mike.

“Yeah I know,” Mike says giving her another blow.

“It’s been a year since it all happened and I can’t help but to wonder how her parents feel,” she says as a tear slowly falls out of her eye. “She was going to Princeton, or was accepted I mean.”

“How were  we- I mean how was I supposed to know?” Mike says now beginning to feel the guilt that Erin passed along to him.

” You put that video up of her.That wasn’t enough for us to believe? Mike she took her own life for Christ sakes. She had a GPA of a 4.0.,” Erin said now actually snatching the blunt from Mike’s hand.

“I didn’t know she would be so upset,” Mike says understanding that there could possibly be a special place in hell for him.

“So you two broke up. Why did you post that video up of her? They revoked her admission at all of her top schools. She was my best friend and because she dumped you- you felt the need to post of a video of her doing that?” Erin says.

“Mike you are a horrible human being who got off and only had to attend twelve therapy sessions,” Carla says to him.

“People teased her for months and they tormented her. She was at the top of our graduating class! The top and you were a low life. She begged you to take the video down, but even if you did it was all over the internet,” Remi says shouting at Mike.

“We are all so messed up over this situation,” Erin says. “This is why as a group we have all chosen to stay away from you.  We tried to remain friends with you but I could never defend what you did. If you get mad at us are you going to do the same thing?”

Mike just sat there and watched his friends walk away from him for the very first time.

The worst part about being alive was the fact that I was dead.  The 
bible says that Jesus wept and so did I.  I was not Jesus so there was 
no resurrecting back from the dead.  The only thing was that even 
though I had been saved by grace and salvation, I already knew that not 
even Jesus was going to save me from this.  Maybe I was a sacrificial 
lamb, and it was time for me to pay for my sins or maybe I was like 
Job, and this had not been my fault at all.  Just like Job maybe God 
wanted to make this my test.  I didn’t know if how I was feeling was 
wrong, because I didn’t feel very much like I was in a sacrificial 
mood.  I thanked Jesus for making me realize that one day I would 
probably end up like Sampson; taking the life of my own along with 
everyone else.

I could not except the teasing any longer and I wanted to get revenge 
on everyone, especially him.  I can see him right now strolling back 
and forth with a grin on his face in the walls of my mind.  Sometimes 
when I visualize him I envision him as a very sad creature who is very 
remorseful, but every few months somehow that gets ruined.  I receive 
calls or hold conversations just like the conversation that I held last 
Saturday.

“I spoke to Wes and he told me that he’s in jail again for assaulting 
yet another female,” my best friend who is also my sister told me as we sat 

down and at in the mall. She continued you on in her own personal rage, “ …you know

 that I was going to kill him right and he ran. He ran away. That…

 coward ran the… ugh! He ran away. I’m like Melanie is family.

 You are family; my sister.For all of the things that he made you go through

 I still want to kill him.”  

I was eating brown rice that was overpowered by a curry-like flavoring, which 

was something that I had been enjoying. For that moment I felt as if after 

watching my “sister” going into a murderous rage that my mouth was burning. I 

didn’t say a word, but I broke my sister’s sermon.

“You know that the last time I went to court, over the years he has had 
over 5 counts of assault.  Now he must have exceeded that.  
For the longest I tried to force myself to believe that I was 
overreacting, but after four years I guess that every other girl had 
been overreacting as well.  But I see it clearly now,” I said to my 
sister looking out into the hussle and bussle of the shopping crowd 
with one eyebrow risen.

He took life from all of us and over the years I always felt guilty for 
it. He let me go, because his sickness had just been sprouted; 
molestation.  He moved onto the big leagues within a six month period; 
rape. Four years later I look at him for what he is; a serial rapist. 
He ruined me, ruined my relationships, and my life.  People were 
crumbling around me.  Life was real, it was real for my family and even 
the girls that I consider to be my sisters. One of my older sister’s 
mother died of breast cancer and her father has HIV.  My other older 
sister is a lesbian, and struggled for approval for years. My other 
sister that I call my twin, because of the fact that we are the same 
age has a father who seems like the best father on earth but beats  on 
her mother. My little sister has a long thick scar going down her back 
 from this emergency surgery.  Somehow we are striving to keep it 
together.

I remember like yesterday how everyone used to look at me. My skin had 
been smooth, brown and flawless.  I was petite and I loved my body, the 
place that I didn’t like at much was my high school.  Despite those 
things I was growing to like it.  As I used to walk in the small school 
corridors, that actually reminded me of the hallways of my young mind, 
the females used to always grit their teeth at me.

I imagine that one girl said, “No girl can love Jesus that much, like 
seriously she is a virgin?  And when people talk about sex, what does 
she do? You all see it she walks away, acting like she is too good or 
too holy or something. Goodbye girl!”, and I would take all of this in 
and smile.

I didn’t have many friends at first, because people could not be around 
the Christian girl.  The boys always gave me attention, but I always 
stayed away.  I was lonely for the first few months until one day these 
angels without wings took my hand and took me with them.  I was a 
freshman and they were seniors in high school.  Now was the time for 
all of the underclassmen females to try to speak to me, but instead I 
rebuked them for even trying.

Maybe it was my own fault that many boys flocked to me.  I once prayed 
this prayer before my first day of high school that I would get the 
attention of most guys from my high school.  I think that maybe just 
maybe I wished a curse upon myself, when I used to see the same high 
school jock standing about fifteen feet away from me wherever I went.  
I would smile at him and then walk away.  Many girls were attracted to 
him, but I just could never understand it.  Sometimes I wished that I 
wanted to have sex like the other girls around me.  Incidents like 
Tuesday, June 12th,2007 would have never happened to me.  He dragged me 
to a dark place and no one saw me. When he pulled me closed and I tried 
to pull away he sucked the life out of me.  I couldn’t breathe and I 
could not see.  I begged him to stop over and over again.  Where was 
Jesus now?  I know that the bible told me that the Lord would not give 
me anything that I could not bear, but honestly I could not take this. 
Somehow the Lord did here my cry, because the boy looked at me and let 
me go. Unfortunately, the damage was already done and I was about to 
draw in my last few breaths.  It was like when he walked away from me 
he took my soul with him by her precious little hand.  I looked at my 
shirt and it once had the colors of a Cookie Monster blue and a tickle 
me Elmo red.  When I grabbed it looked like the colors of blood and 
tears all over it. I sat on a staircase for as long as I could. I held 
myself as if I was comforting myself in my last few minutes of life.  I 
left this world, but couldn’t understand how I had been breathing.  I 
needed a proper burial, and I said my goodbyes to everyone, except no 
one realized that I had been saying goodbye.

It had been raining cats and dogs that afternoon and my father called 
me. He said, “Hey baby, do you need for me to come and get you?  I’m 
not that far away.” 

I was silent for a few seconds and said, “Hey daddy 
I have a black umbrella and even a ride. Don’t worry about me anymore.”

 
  The most frightening part about this statement was that I gave the 
description of what happened at a funeral after it was over.
I walked in the rain and didn’t even have an umbrella.  My mother 
opened the door for me and greeted me as pleasantly as she had always 
done.  I made a few more calls and I didn’t pray that night.  There was 
no sense in praying over the dead.  I walked upstairs to my room I took 
off my wet clothes and put on new ones.  I turned off the light and 
listened to the rain hit my window pane.  I even listened to my 
heartbeat for the last time.  I pulled the covers back off of my bed 
and got inside. After I made sure that I was in my bed properly I 
pulled the covers over my body and then to my face.  I closed my eyes 
and there lied Melanie Ashley McCoy with tears on her face.  She was 
born on February 12th, 1992 and she died on June 12th,2007.
I woke up the next morning and realized what happened.  I had been 
sexually assaulted, and I didn’t understand.  Everything looked 
differently to me and my mind was not small anymore, but had become 
frighteningly large.  The skin on my face felt different.  My skin was 
dry and cold just like a dead person.   All of my happy thoughts were 
gone and I looked around as if I was looking to find the dead me and 
resurrect her.  As time went on I ignored the truth and didn’t see it 
for what it was.  The truth deteriorated the insides of my body and I 
even started to become slow.  I had become the living dead!  Death 
became me and now everyone started to stare, because I had significant 
changes with my body.  People were laughing at me.  They teased me 
daily and the boy who did this to me mocked me.  I felt like Jesus 
carrying the cross.  Clearly I had been weak and everyone started 
kicking me down.  My mother used to look in horror.

My mother grabbed my father and said, “Jesus what is wrong with my 
baby!  That is not her.” My father did not know what was happening 
either and my sweet mother cried every single day.

I somehow defied the laws of science, because I had been reanimated.  I 
hadn’t talk to God for a long time by this point and the bible was no 
longer an option.  Dead people didn’t obviously need salvation anymore 
I often thought to myself.  More symptoms had surfaced with my new 
condition, I had now become incapable of feeling.  I was numb and my 
heart was broken. I once thought that if I was dead then how could I 
still be alive?  Somehow someone heard about my plan to end it all and 
told my parents everything.  My parents were hurt and also confused and 
even my mother started to feel dead on the inside. My parents had been 
suffering from the loss of a child and that was me.  They still prayed 
for me and my father told me that I was not dead.  He told me to give 
God the glory, because I was still alive.  I wanted to, but I didn’t 
because I was angry.  My mother looked at me one day and took a really 
good look.  I lost ten pounds and it was becoming unbearable to watch.  
If I wasn’t dead I definitely looked the part.

My other sister  grabbed me and literally shook me.  “Stop this! 

Snap out of this. You are frightening your parents. What the hell is the matter

 with you?” she said.All of my sisters reminded me of their 

problems and one day I remembered a bible verse. 

 Philippians chapter four verse thirteen, “I 
can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I decided that 
it was time to except the fact that there was no point in everyone 
mourning over a living person.  I had a deep conversation with God and 
asked Him for his help.  This process took four years, and it seemed 
like even longer some days.

   I came home and held my mother and whispered in her ear while she was 
sleeping , “Mommy I am so happy. I am so happy.” She slowly opened her 
eyes and looked at my father.  My father had pressed his lips together 
in relief and kissed my cheek.

My mother pulled me close and with tears in her eyes held me.  “Oh my 
God Melanie,  you don’t know how long I prayed for this day. You 
deserved happiness and it hurt me every single day to see you in 
torment. I love you and God is real,” she told me.
My sisters and I text one another and call each other on certain days 
and talk.   We are all well aware of our problems and we always are 
that shoulder to lean on.  My mother, father and I have gotten really 
close again and spend most of our days laughing.

  As the bible says in Corinthians chapter fifteen verse fifty-five , “O 
death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”. Even when I 
really die, death still won’t take over my body

apr-l asked: What is the symbolism behind her headaches, her nose bleed, his sore throat and the blood he coughed up? Great story

Sometimes no matter what we go through in life the pain will always remain. Zeke and Tamar (the characters from my story) had already experienced the pain of their death, but they were in some sort of continuing universe that constantly replayed their pain. Personally, I will always have and remember the things in life that caused me pain. Overall don’t let your past claim your life. Thanks love!- Melanie

I once collided

Collided with a man who was just as star struck and love struck as I was

I think that i saw stars in his eyes

Or maybe they were in mine

but one thing that I realized the way that I entered his presence I believe that he thinks that there is no difference between me and the devil- BEAUTIFUL but Contains an ugly lie on the inside

I never understood the person that could encounter a head on collision five times

I say that it’s suicide

LOVE rules their hearts so they abide

Whenever I see a guy I use my charm and wit

But knowing that none of these guys will amount to any of it so it makes me sick

I go under the speed limit sometimes hoping that if maybe I slow down maybe I won’t run into anyone

One time I tried that and someone purposely hit me head on they rear ended me, because they knew that I couldn’t see them coming- it hurt so bad that I thought that I could never go on… anINNOCENT BYSTANDER

He told me that he saw me, but the crash was so beautiful that he couldn’t look away

I heard that he hit a few others on purpose and they are still crying to this day

So whenever I see a guy i shout, “Idiot get out of the way”

Sometimes I flash the finger as I go pass, hoping to get a laugh

I’m not even going to lie sometimes I pray for a head on collision

It seems Impossible but Love is like a mission

It’s got me doing the run around, but I know how to run around the wrong people just so that I don’t get hit

Sometimes I miss though

Sometimes I try to act hard like the chocolate chip, but really I’m just the cookie dough

I pray that my dreams come accidentally so my drive is fast

I’m a present, to all those who pass or who are in the past

Unfortunately there are no emergency breaks when you encounter love head on

But the most accidents occur before dawn

That’s because those who aren’t looking for love people are just looking to get it on

If they aren’t looking to get it on then they are just asexual

But hey by nature we are a sexual being

look around and there are five accidents that I’m witnessing

YOU BETTER WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING

But when you don’t look at where you are going you get into a head on Collision

like the one that is about to…

shakin’ my head Aww man

Some people in the world walk around  without a clue in the world like Zeke and Tamar. Zeke and Tamar have been together for nearly four years. They hold no secrets, because they share everything.

 Zeke has been out of college for at least three years and Tamar is in her last year. Zeke has had a hard time trying to find a job due to the bad economy. Nothing in America is currently right for a Black man, but sometimes there are loop holes in America’s operation- Zeke found it. Zeke may go and get his master’s, but currently he is working for himself as a photographer. He’s been doing it for years, and maybe that is what brought Zeke and Tamar together.

Zeke is as tall as the dying trees standing outside his apartment. Tamar might be as thin as those trees, but she doesn’t appear to be dead like them. She’s filled with life and energy. They’re not sure about marriage or anything, because although they grew up  in traditional homes they are far from traditional people. For now living together is just what they needed. Everyone loves Zeke and Tamar, maybe because it seems as if they will be together forever. When it comes to Tamar sexy is not the word that comes to mind for most- beautiful is the word that people use. As for Zeke, he’s good-looking, charismatic and has swagger that can illuminate the entire Philadelphia streets.

Zeke’s  best friend’s name is Dom. Dom has been acting very strange lately and even distant at times towards both Zeke and Tamar. Dom used to have feelings for Tamar, but the better man won and got the girl as well.

Tamar has been complaining recently about having headaches and to make matters worse no doctor will see her. Zeke is growing concerned about his girlfriend’s current state, because at times the pain is so unbearable that she cries.

“You’ll be fine love. We’ll figure this out and get it fixed,” Zeke says as they lie in bed together and dries her tears.

Zeke has been having a severe sore throat for the past few months, but hasn’t told Tamar because he doesn’t want to upset her. He carries a cloth in his pocket whenever he leaves his place.

While lying in bed Tamar noticed something that she had never noticed before. “Babe why is it that we are always listening to the same song- Pursuit of Happiness Cudi cover by Lissie,” she asks Zeke.

“We listen to other songs,” Zeke answers.

“Really? If we do then name at least one other,” she asks inquisitively. As Zeke really began to think about it Tamar was right, they don’t listen to anyt other artists or songs. They sat there in the room with silence.

Zeke breaks the silence by suggesting that they go for a walk on  Broad and Walnut. They did their daily morning routine and Zeke slid into a grey crew neck. He pulled his sleeves up and put on his cap. Tamar took one of Zeke’s crew necks and put on her cut-off shorts. She looked at  her phone oddly for a second and then looked in the mirror. Her nose started to bleed. She didn’t tell Zeke that it was bleeding, so instead she quickly wiped her nose and put on a pink colored lipstick called “Please Me” by M•A•C. Tamar pulled her hair into a ponytail at the top and then placed it in a slightly messy bun. Zeke stood behind her and planted a single kiss on her neck and then onto her lips. Tamar loves Zeke, but something is troubling her.

They leave out for the day and they appear so happy. Zeke snaps several pictures of Tamar.They see their friends and they wave at them and approach them. Everyone looks at them strangely. Among these friends is standing Dom.

Dom receives a text saying, “I miss you and after this I’ll come by and see you.”

Dom replies, “No don’t do that. This could end very badly. You have to stop appearing like this. It’s like your haunting me and it’s scary.”

Tamar looks at Dom and tears start to fill up in her eyes and she shakes her head. Everyone stares at the two and some even walk away in tears. Dom remains standing there, but with his head down.

“What’s your problem?” Zeke asks Dom. Dom just stares at him.

Zeke shakes his head in disapproval and grabs Tamar’s hand. Tamar turns around as they are walking away to look at Dom.

“Do you think that they know man?” a friend asks Dom.

“I don’t know,” Dom said.

“You have a lot to live with Dom. Look at the day. I still don’t know how you could do that to your him like that? He was your best friend” his friend says.

“Look at them walking away. Are we crazy or something?” one of the ladies says while adjusting her  tee.

Zeke and Tamar get back to their apartment and Zeke starts to grind his herbs. Tamar constantly keeps  popping into her mouth Advil for her head. She looks at her cell and keeps on crying.

“Tamar what is wrong? You have been crying for what seems like forever now yo like cut it out,” Zeke says while he continues to grind the herb on a book that is lying on his lap with a brown wrapper lying on top. He neatly pushes the herbs together on the brown wrapper in a line. He looks at her every now and then to see if she will attempt to answer.

Zeke coughs into his cloth and blood is on the cloth.

“Sometimes I feel like you are the only one around. It’s just you here, why is that? To make matters worse you are so incoherent, like your attention is somewhere else,” Zeke says as he licks the wrapper.

“You know that I love you right, but I must be honest with you,” Tamar says as she plays with her fingers. Zeke lights his blunt and starts to inhale.

“Say it,” Zeke says as his mood appears to be getting worse as Tamar stand in front of him with silence. “Say it Tamar!”

Zeke gets up and turns on his stereo and begins to turn up “Pursuit of Happiness” loudly. Tamar’s headache starts to worsen.

Tamar looks at her cell phone and Zeke grabs it.

“I knew it. Tamar please don’t tell me you and Dom. He’s like my brother! The both of you though yo?” he grabs her and they start arguing. Tamar started to deny everything, but it was too late to deny that in her spare time Dom was the only thing on her mind.

Tamar runs to the bathroom and Zeke walks behind her. Out of anger he put his hands around her neck. She tries to break away from his tight grip.

” I think this has happened to us before,” Tamar struggles to say.
Zeke let’s go of her and the worst has happened. Tamar hit her head on the edge of the sink.

Zeke is in a daze. He touches his neck and begins to remember. He starts to cough up blood and he looks and sees a rope tied somewhere. He has begun to think about the past few years and about how strange everyone has been acting.

“We were already dead,” he says shaking his head in disbelief. He kisses his girlfriend’s lifeless body and sheds a tear and hangs himself.

They will wake up tomorrow carrying on as they usually do never even remembering what happened the night before. They will die again tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. The entire town can’t stand seeing them walk around not knowing that they no longer are living, but they don’t have the heart to tell them- so they don’t. Either way it’s disturbing that they will always live in this infinite parallel universe.

Their friends will always be haunted forever by their existence or in this case non-existence. Dom had sex with his best friend’s girl, and the reality is that this is what led them to their death. An unrequited love never dies, but the question truly is at what price?

Most women say that they love me two minutes after we have sex. Before her, I never knew what love felt like. When I was really young I used to tell these women that I loved them back. I don’t know what made her so special though. I used to think that Tyler was one of the devil’s most beautiful creations, because I thought that Tyler was my decadent punishment. Instead I realized that she was a creation of God.

Tyler is a very tiny and strikingly beautiful brown skinned girl. She could have been a model, but she didn’t meet the height requirements. In fact she almost couldn’t get on many of the roller coasters in the amusement parks. Her eyes were as black as coal and if a person knew anything about science her eyes were probably a dark brown. If her eyes were brown then I would have thought that they were pretending to be black. She had the physical bodily appearance of Venus. She had more curves than a U-turn or maybe a fork in the road. She was a virgin.

Let’s get this straight though, I was a bit angry with sweet Jesus when he did this to me. I wanted to know why he put Tyler in my life. He made me feel like I needed this woman. I needed no one but myself and God’s love. At times I felt as though I didn’t need that, but we all need God’s love if not who else would love us? I’m not very religious, but I just recognize who I must give credit to.

The first time that I saw her it was at a music festival called Coachella. This was before Coachella was as huge as it is now. Coachella only consisted of bands that most never heard of. I’m into music and always have been. I’m a singer and a songwriter. This could be a big reason why the women love me.  I have a darker complexion and I’m tall, but not amazingly tall. I wear an incredibly nonchalant look on my face. Girls love that bad boy image, and I don’t know why. When I saw Tyler at Coachella she was with her father. I thought that she was just a pretty girl that I would never see again. I thought that she would just be another memory that slipped away from my mind and from my world.

That Friday, I was helping my brother move back on campus as a student that went to UCLA. This was my last year as well, but I was staying in an off-campus apartment. Little did I know that I was going to see the beauty with the incredible brown complexion standing with her father. Her father looked as though he was having a difficult time saying goodbye to his little brown angel. She wiped a finger across her right eye. She was crying and she hugged her father. Her father kissed her on the forehead and twirled her around. This was the part where he probably told his daughter that the school better watch out because she is too gorgeous.  Most of the time students couldn’t wait to lose their parents. She stood there for a good minute even after her father drove away staring at the empty parking space.

“Daddy’s girl aren’t you?” I said to her.

“Huh?” she said a bit startled and then relieved once she looked up.

“I was saying that you must be a daddy’s girl,” I said seriously.

“Oh yes. That’s my daddy. Even despite me being an army brat and not seeing him when he would have to go to other countries, I miss him every time. Now I’m leaving him,” she said as if it truly hit her that she was leaving her father until her next break- Christmas.

“James,” I said extending my fist.

“Tyler. I know that it’s a boy’s name,” she said putting her fist against mine.

“You look like a Tyler,” I said in my smoothest voice.

“I look like a boy?” she said seriously.

I felt really nervous, because I wasn’t expecting for her to shoot back like that. In fact, I couldn’t even believe that I was nervous. My palms were so sweaty. She began to laugh intensely.

“I was only kidding!” she said smiling.

I cracked a small smile. She looked at me as I smiled and stopped smiling.

“You never smile do you?” she asked.

I thought about it and it was true. Smiling was a rarity for me. I enjoyed the sensation of smiling, but I never did it. Nothing really made me that happy. The only way that a person could get a smile out of me was the happiness that I put into my songwriting. The happiness that my music gave me was the closest that I have ever come to falling in love.

Before I knew it a month passed when I saw her again finally and she cut her hair. I saw her running to her next class, but then she lost her balance and fell. She looked around at the people walking past her with embarrassment. I quickly approached her and helped her up and handed her the books that she dropped.

“Here you go Tyler,” I said.

“You remembered my name James?” she said smiling.

“Yes I did,” I said.

It was then that I realized that I was standing in a hall full of all of the hearts that I have ever broken and tortured. I was starting to feel guilty. When Cupid tried to hit me with his arrow I think he missed quite a few times and hit all of the women instead, because I was the only one who didn’t know what love felt like. I didn’t like to discuss it, but maybe these feelings stemmed from all of the love that I had for my mother. I caught my mother with another man nine years ago. She was married to my father and after that she left my father to be with this man. The best memory that I have of my mother was the day she watched cartoons with me all day and cooked me all of my favorite meals. I had the time of my life that day. I haven’t seen my mother in nine years. Mothers weren’t supposed to do that. I thought that was something that fathers normally do. All of my friend’s fathers growing up left them. They didn’t shed a single tear when they left. I didn’t want to, but I shed more than a single tear. I cried a river when my mother left. My brother didn’t appear to be sad. How could a woman walk away from the children that she gave birth to? I made sure that would be the last time any woman broke my heart even if she was my mother. I haven’t cried for a woman since.

I gave Tyler my number and she eagerly immediately called the number on her cell phone so that I could save her number.

“You cut your hair,” I said.

“Yeah I don’t know if I like it yet. People have told me that it’s not becoming,” she said somberly.

“Were they females that told you this?”  I asked.

“Yes,” she said not certain of where I was going with that question.

“Females do that a lot to each other. If a woman looks nice they have a hard time giving her a compliment. So instead they say cruel things at time. They feel threatened,” I told her.

“I understand, but why would they feel threatened by me?” she asked.

Most women say that they love me two minutes after we have sex. Before her, I never knew what love felt like. When I was really young I used to tell these women that I loved them back. I don’t know what made her so special though. I used to think that Tyler was one of the devil’s most beautiful creations, because I thought that Tyler was my decadent punishment. Instead I realized that she was a creation of God.

“You are gorgeous and you have a crazy sense of style,” I told her. “Wait. Aren’t you late for class? You were in a hurry.”

“No actually I was running from my other class to call my father. I got an A on exam that I was sure that I would fail and I wanted to tell him the good news,” she said slightly embarrassed.

Two months went by and Tyler and I had become so close as friends. I gave her advice on guys and she gave me her thoughts on some of my newer songs.

In the month of May, one night she walked to my apartment and when she knocked on the door one of my female friends answered. For the first time ever I saw a hurt look in Tyler’s eyes. She looked as though she had already been crying. At times Tyler could be very quiet and even sad. She never discussed why. It made me wonder how long she was standing there. 

All of that booming and thumping on the walls probably tore through her heart.

All that she could say was, “How could you do this to me. I thought that you were the one. I may be nineteen, but nineteen doesn’t mean that I am retarded. Did you like her? Did she make you feel good? This is my fault I should have told you that I wanted you sooner.”

“Ty I….” I said to her.

“You what?” she said and she realized that I was too much of a coward to admit it.

I barely even remember the other girl’s name. 

Tyler though? I loved her.

Tyler never spoke to me again after that. I honestly didn’t know that this would affect her this way. The problem now is that I love her, and just like my mother she left and transferred schools. The one thing that I didn’t do was shed a single tear. The young boys from around my neighborhood when I was young taught me to never shed a tear in the ways that I had shed them for my mother. 

Once upon a time there were two creative twins named Coco and Breezy from Minnesota who decided to move to the jungles of New York. This isn’t a fictional story or  a fairytale, because in reality these women have one of the best success stories when it comes to living the American Dream. These two fashionistas sprung onto the fashion scene as two designers who had a goal and a ticket to New York City.  They have popularized and in many ways invented the new look of eyewear with their stand out designs and creations. The duo didn’t decide that they were going to jump on the fashion bandwagon a few years ago, because in fact they were born into fashion. The world has seen many designers and many twins, but rarely does the world see twins that are doing both. Cocofullofgrace.com had the opportunity to speak to with them.

Maybe They Were Born With It or Maybe it’s Creativity

“We always loved fashion and we always loved being with each other,” said Coco. “We were never separated until we were 18 or 19 we had very supportive parents. They knew we were artistic they let us get a nose ring at 13.”

“We were always hardworking,” said Breezy. “We started working at 15, because my dad  had 3 strokes. We had 3 jobs really early-Im glad we did that. We went to our high school counselor to find out how many credits we would need to graduate. We graduated 3 months after our 17th birthday.”

Are They Identical or Fraternal?

“We are identical,” the duo said in unison.

The Introduction to Fashion

“Coco introduced me to fashion,” Breezy said laughing.

“I remember in the third grade you were trying out for the soft ball team,” said Coco starting off by talking to Breezy. “I had on my skirt  and my hair in pigtails. She had her  Sketchers on. She was a tomboy.”

“Coco would introduce me to trends and I was like…,” said Breezy.

“Eww,” Coco and Breezy said in unison.

“Our mom used to dress us up and stuff,” said Coco.  ” At 14 we started to color our hair. Our parents said that we could wear whatever we wanted. We got good grades. We weren’t crazy party girls or on drugs. We were goodie two shoes- we still are. How we dress now doesn’t determine who we are though.”

Dreams and Dresses Made from Bedsheets

Coco and Breezy told Cocofullofgrace.com when exactly they started to design. As children they experimented designing with different fabrics.

“I remember when we were 9 years old we used to take my mom’s  bed sheets,” said Coco. ” Our Auntie Marcy was really creative, so we designed them from scratch. We always wanted to be designers, but we never thought that we would reach the point where we are now. We were discouraged at times and didn’t start until we moved to New York.”

“We actually moved to New York  in September of 2009 when we were 17,” said Breezy. ” We didn’t start the next next day we started the very first day that we got there. By the third day Kelly Osbourne was wearing our glasses on “Dancing with the Stars.” That was crazy and then Ashanti wore them at the Hip Hop Honors.”

 The Take-off

Coco and Breezy gave their thoughts on what they felt placed them on the map.

Accesories by Coco & Breezy from cocoandbreezy.com

“I would say our glasses and ourselves,” said Breezy. “For sure our studded glasses. It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for us. Our journey and story is so real. We weren’t sure how we would pay our rent. People on our blog are following our real journey. Anything is possible in the future of fashion and the future of our generation also mixing the fashion and art lifestyle together.  We created sunglasses, because we used to be so self conscious so we created sunglasses so that we could avoid eye contact with people. It took us a year to remove our glasses. Now we are woman and more confident. We are so shy (they laugh).”

Inspiration

“Well I mean now we are talking about our aesthetic,” said Coco. “We like to mix fashion and art. The reason it took off is because it was so new to the market.”

Identical, but Different

Just because these two are identical,  that doesn’t mean that they like or care about all of the same things.

“My style- I’m the extra girly girl,” said Coco. “I’ll wear the wedges. I could care less about my hair. Breezy cares more.”

“Sometimes I like to look like a rock chick or sometimes a tom boy,” said Breezy. “We love lipstick!”

“Yes,” Coco chimed in.

“If I don’t have any glasses then I am pissed!” said Breezy. “My hair has to be flat ironed on a rainy day and if Coco’s hair poufs up in the rain, she”ll leave it like that.”

The Period Piece

Coco and Breezy were presented with this question- If you could design anything from any time period which period would it be and who would you design for?

“Totally the eighties for sure and also 2020,” said Coco. “We are starting pre designs for 2020. If people asked me about my style I’ll say the eighties and 2020. Who would it be for? Um an alien.”

“E.T. !”, Breezy said as they laughed.

Fashion and Music

Besides fashion, Coco and Breezy enjoy listening to music and painting. The duo shared who they are currently listening to now and some of their favorite music artists.

“We love music!” said Breezy. “We love the Weeknd. “We love Drake. We listened to Drake when we first moved here on repeat. We actually got to meet Drake and he knew who we were. He said he was inspired by our journey. We love dup step. When we are designing or painting, we listen to Bone Thugs n Harmony, and even classical music. We love anything we know the words to.”

The Expansion

Coco and Breezy have created some of the funkiest eyewear ensembles and accessories, but many have been wondering one thing- will they create any clothing and are they working on any other projects? The designers gave Cocofullofgrace.com the answer here first.

“We have a jacket coming out in collaboration with a clothing company called Copy and Paste,” said CoCo. “We will have a ready to wear line. We have a fashion film coming out that is about 2 min. starring Selita EBanks. She’s our mentor and we are super close. She’s awesome. She’s like our big sister. We appreciate all of our mentors.”

Coco & Breezy on the set of their short film with Selita EBanks ( photo by globalgrind.com)

Influential People

Coco and Breezy have come across some of the biggest names. They shared with Cocofullofgrace.com all of those who they found to be influential, intriguing and hard- working individuals.

“Beyonce, because I’m a fan of her work ethic,” said Breezy. “She was so humble and her vibe was crazy. When we met Drake the story is that our friend Christina, her husband, Coco and I went to a dinner and when Christina introduced us to everyone Drake was there.  Drake was like ‘I know who they are.’ He was so humble and we exchanged contact information. My next goal is Kanye. We respect his work ethic and creativity. We are very close with Fonzworth Bentley and Omarion.”

Taken from Beyonce’s “Party” music video featuring J. Cole
 

“Before when we were in Minnesota we had posters of people on our wall, but now we know these people,” said Coco. “It’s crazy. Everyone has different jobs and no one is higher than the next person. I don’t like cocky people at all.”